Stepping Back a Little

On 31st December 2015, I had decided that I would take the New Year in full swing. That I would make 2016 Paakhi’s year and that I would do everything this year that I have been wanting to do for so long. I was optimistic, enthusiastic and jubilant.

That was until my 1st of January went absolutely shitty.

I woke up hoping that the New Year would treat me exactly how I wanted to be treated, but I guess I have to realize that NOTHING and NO ONE treats you exactly how you want to be treated.

My morning went moderately fine. I did some yoga (not as much as I normally do, but I did something) and then I proceeded to irresponsibly stuff my face with the most delicious and junkiest of foods, and I continued this for the rest of the day.

As I have mentioned before, OCD isn’t something that you just leave behind. It walks with you. Now, if it walks in front of you or well behind you is completely up to how you handle it.

Turns out I hadn’t been handing it all that well, because that day I could feel my OCD catching up with me.

I ate junk food and decided to chuck everything I had built for the past couple months and only eat junk food. And I said to myself, “It’s okay, tomorrow’s a new day. Only eat healthy food and nothing junk from tomorrow.”

And in all honestly, this was my OCD talking, not me.

I want to create a balance in every day, I don’t want to turn around and go back to that unbalanced, rudimental and unhealthy lifestyle.

So I decided to step back a little.

It’s okay to sometimes tip your scale a little, go off balance on your tight rope and fall; but just as long as you’re willing to get up everything will be fine.

So what if the first day of “Paakhi’s year” turned out to be a little crappy, a little bloated and absolutely unproductive (except for the little bit of SAT prep that I did). I have never really been much for special holidays.

I don’t like the fact that one particular day of 365 days (or 366 actually) has to go perfect.

My first of January did not go perfect, I don’t think anybody’s did, but I am willing to try to get perfect moments in every single day this year has to offer.

This is a little note that I had written to myself when I was a lot younger that found in one of my journals on first of January. That was my perfect moment from the first day of 366 beautiful days.

blog note to future self.jpg

Paakhi, look at what you have right now and be happy.


2 thoughts on “Stepping Back a Little

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