Running away has always seemed like a good idea to me, but also a scary one. I love change as much as the next person, but I am also equally frightened of it. I have wished so many times to just fly away from this place and start over. And I know that one day I will, but I have to wait for the right time.
Everything beautiful only blossoms when the time is right.
So for the time being, I have to feed that hole in my heart that craves the change while I mentally prepare myself to leave.
I have started indulging myself in painting.
I love writing and reading. Those two things are the most constant elements in my life, but I have found out that trying out new things is absolutely wonderful.
I used to paint when I was a kid. My mum is an artist, she paints the most beautiful sceneries just out of her head. But I left painting because I knew I could never be good enough in that spectrum. But now I have realized that you don’t have to be “good enough,” you can do something you love even if you aren’t conventionally good at it.
I play the guitar because it makes me feel (even for a second) that I am next to Ed Sheeran singing Thinking Out Loud with him. I’m not good at it, there is no way I would play it in front of an audience, but I do love playing it in the haven of my room where everything is possible and everything is wonderful.
That’s why I paint in my room too.
I started painting only because I did not want to waste a beautiful set of watercolors that my cousin had gifted me. But soon painting became more of a stress reliever than a leisure activity.
I love listening to music and painting paper in shades of blue and red (I absolutely love those colors). Music has always been something that has helped me relax, but listening to it while painting is even better still! I feel that I can indulge in the songs that I listen to more while I am painting because my mind is clear of any other thoughts. The anxiety that usually engulfs me, subsides to a corner in my mind and for those few hours when I am painting, I don’t think. I just paint and I just listen to whatever indie song that has caught my attention for the day.
So I encourage you all to pick up one activity that you do just for the love of it, not so that it looks good on your college application or helps you to win awards or makes you look impressive in front of your colleagues, because trust me, it is going to help you in the long run.
Doing something you love, something that makes you feel at ease, is never a waste of time.
P.S. Yes, that daisy painting has been inspired by Looking For Alaska. I can’t help it, I love vague mysteries.